New Channel Setting and Banner

Youtube is making me convert over to their new Channel Settings :( .  I don't like change very much, but it does give me an opportunity to create some banner art for my channel.  I decided to use a fabulous drawing made for me by a channel subscriber named Celia.  I have edited it some so that it will fit into YouTube's banner specifications.

This is how it would look if you viewed my channel on your tv (the banner portion would only be  a strip through the middle)

I am very grateful for this piece, and I hope that Celia knows that I am still very honored---so much so, that I continue to use her work in my channel.
You can check out the new banner and channel layout here

Sneak Peek Still Of The ASMR Video That Will be Posted Tomorrow

The Ear Exam Video: Why Less Than 40 Mins of Video Took 4 Days to Complete

Ohhhhhhh this video.  I was really excited to do it, because I love doing role plays.  This video didn't want to made though, and so it sabotaged everything electrical that it could.

The first to succumb to the Ear Exam's vendetta was my blow dryer.  I was using it, everything was fine.  I shut it off to get a drink, came back, and found its soul had left its body, never to return.  I can't prove the video had anything to do with this...I just know it in my heart  :P

Next were the dinning room lights.  In my blog entry http://heatherfeatherasmr.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-room-where-i-film-medical-roleplays.html you can see the lighting fixture I have (Haha, one of the lights is out in the picture).  Two lights had been out for a few days, so I drove to the store to replace the bulbs.  I picked up a two pack, drove home, flipped the switch to quickly verify which to bulbs were out---and the rest blew out.  And this was me:  http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/3892988/braveheart-betrayal-o.gif

The last casualty in all of this was my poor poor laptop.  I honestly have no idea what happened.  It was working, then it blue screened of death me.  I am going to have a tech savvy friend look to see if it can be salvaged, but until then, I am using a borrowed laptop that is slow as syrup and has a wonky space bar---soeverythingItypelookslikethis.  http://www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/standing-in-the-rain-gif.gif

Okay, onto filming.  I had to film this bad boy 3 times.  The first time, my camera decided, "Meh.  I don't feel like seeing you in any way but radioactive orange."  The second time I was actually really pleased with how it went.  Everything felt fluid to me, I was optimistic about it, I started to edit----and found that a pervasive buzzing had corrupted the audio.  I have no idea what made it happen.  I tried to get rid of it in Audacity, but diminishing the buzzing would have ruined the other sounds as well.  SO at 1:30am I did the third take.  It felt pretty good, I popped it on the computer, and saw that I had been trolled by rebellious eye brow hair.

See it?!  Gaaaaaah.  Little things like that drive me crazy. >_<

Now we're at editing. I had filmed sounds for this video days in advance.  The parts where I am in your ears, Lara's moments, the walking, the sound effects---those were recorded separately   I hadn't realized how much work was going to go into layering the sounds.   I know compared to people who make brilliant soundscapes (ASMRByDesign for instance) my sound layering is a walk in the park.  To me though, layering is a slow process.  Advanced ASMRtists will probably scoff when they see this, but this is what I worked on for some 8 hours (video editing included):

Every little line you see is a cut or a piece of audio I added to the video.

Because I am using a HD camera now, the rendering time is longer than it would be otherwise.  The upload time to Youtube is WAAAAAY longer than that.  It took 5-6 hours to upload to the tube today.  I was so channeling Ron Burgundy by the end.  The video and I were not on speaking terms.  http://media.tumblr.com/99f0a2bc2219f5856a11ad5808ac936e/tumblr_inline_mlaxphJ5l01qz4rgp.gif

There you have my tale of woe.  Now here's the awesome thing about making ASMR videos:  as soon as people said that it helped them, all of the angst and frustration I had toward this video melted away.  The reception of a video always puts things in perspective.  If you helped one person sleep, relax, tingle, or smile,  you did your job.  I can't speak for everyone, but I know that many content creators (myself included) know what it's like to not be able to wind down and shut off---so when we succeed in aiding others in doing that, it feels pretty damn good.  Not even my agent of chaos eyebrow hair could ruin that feeling.  :P
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9cb0xftwY1rqkbnx.gif

The Inbox Dilemma

Before I started making content, I used to watch ASMR vids all the time.  Haha, that hasn't changed since starting my own channel, but for a couple years I only had the perspective of a consumer.  If I commented on a video I loved, and the person wrote back to me---it made me so happy.  I wrote to Maria once after finding ASMR through her, and using her vids to conk out every night, and she wrote back to me---and it made my night.  I was with a friend, and started shrieking "MARIA WROTE TO ME, MARIA WROTE TO ME!" and of course my friend was like "okaaaaay....so?" Same thing happened when I wrote to Amal back in the day.   People who don't have ASMR don't understand how the videos help some of us.  They help where nothing else can, in a way that nothing else can.

In my real life, I feel indebted to people who help me.  I engage in reciprocal relationships, and try to maintain equality as far as emotional investment and actions are concerned.  I also have a hard time forgetting things---my brain just doesn't let me.  So "letting go" of certain sentiments is difficult for me.  When content creators write to me, or comment on my vids, I still fangirl.  I fangirl all the time...it's ridiculous.  Even ones that I talk to frequently, still make me "squeeee" when I see them in a comment.  I sometimes worry that they won't understand why I get so excited, or so wordy...but my concern always gets overridden by fangirling...fangirling always wins.

Because of my experiences feeling that delight, I try to respond to every person who writes to me.  I feel that if someone takes the time to write to me, I will take the time to write back to them.  Almost all of you don't know that I have had to use a wrist brace for the last few months when I type.  If I don't, my pinky and ring finger start KILLING, and the pain travels down the outside of my hand and forearm.

Recently I had to make the decision to stop responding to inbox messages on Facebook and Youtube.  This still causes me to feel a sense of guilt and inadequacy.  If I had more hands, or more time, this wouldn't be a problem---but I don't, and I had to decide to maintain a healthy balance between my Youtube and personal life, and my physical health (as far as my hand goes).

I want to keep being able to respond to people for as long as possible.  The inboxes are hard to navigate, as you have to open and read through much longer messages (so responses tend to be longer as well).  The time that goes into reading messages is much greater than it is for comments, and I have to sift through a lot of inappropriate messages to get to the ones from the right people.  I know that it is the best decision for me.  I know that if another content creator was going through the same "struggle" with it, I would tell them they need to do what's right for them.  Knowing those things still doesn't take away my feelings of guilt.  I am a weird girl...some of you might have suspected by now, ahaha.  I feel things sometimes in persistent and unreasonable amounts...especially when it comes to debts.  I feel like the people who watch my vids, and encourage and support me, help me immensely --so I feel like not being able to respond through every venue is a failure to repay a debt.  And that feeling sucks.

I wrote this because I wanted people to understand that my not writing back to inbox messages isn't because I don't value their words, or the time they took to create them.  I just can't do it all.  I still try to respond to every comment on youtube, facebook, and reddit.  I hope those who read this little blog understand what I'm trying to convey.

Since this entry was kind of serious, here's a saucy Troll Cat pic to hopefully make you smile.




The LSP image was provided under a Creative Commons license at http://www.flickr.com/photos/mooshuu/5974838531/  image by Mooshuu

New Blooper Channel - FeatherBrainedASMR

Hi everyone!

I love making videos for you guys but I'm sure you can tell by now that I'm a bit spazzy, and my cats are more than a bit diabolical.  I have plenty of face palm moments while making vids, and up until now I have edited most of those moments out.  I love seeing other people's bloopers though, and I after showing some on facebook (because this blog won't let me post any long vids), and getting feedback that people couldn't view the vids because of the player facebook uses, I decided to make a separate channel.   I will use this channel to post the longer bloopers, and maybe an occasional vlog (but don't hold me to that  :P).

FeatherBrainedASMR on youtube

Here's my first Blooper Video featuring troll cat!

The Draw My Life Video

A little while ago, I got a request from theswisswereright to do a "draw my life video."  I had seen Jenna Marbles and Phil do theirs, and I really liked watching them---but I wasn't super keen on doing one myself.  I am very vigilant about my privacy (I always have been), and it takes a lot for me to trust someone with information about myself --so I figured this type of video was absolutely not up my alley.

I don't know how I even got started doing it.  I found myself jotting things down for it one night, and doing it the next.  My cat knocked over my tripod and broke it, and instead of using it as an excuse to stop, I immediately went out and spent $50 (omg whyyyyy) on a new tripod so I could finish it.  For an hour and 50 mins, I just sat...drawing.  It was interesting:  I didn't feel much while doing it...I just kind of let my brain tell the story it felt safe disclosing.

When I got near the end, I stuttered.  I didn't know how to depict the more present day aspects.  I told my best friend that I was doing this kind of video, and he said "WHAT?!"  He knew from first hand experience that the things I would be talking about were things I didn't talk about to anyone.  I told him I didn't know how to end it, and he said "Don't filter it, just do what feels right."

But I didn't know what felt right.

I had been feeling a bit off---no that's a lie---I had been feeling a lot off in regards to certain relationships for a few weeks before doing the D.M.L.V, and my struggle was coming from not knowing where my relationships stood.  How was I supposed to finish speaking about my life, if I myself was unsure about it?  It should be easy to make stick figures and ramble about your days---it's not...not if you want to be truthful.

Even though it was a story told on a white board---something that can be erased in seconds---there is definitely a feeling of permanence that accompanies it.  It was easy for me to draw the past, because it was over, I knew the resolutions, I had my closure.  But the present was much more delicate, since I didn't want to include things I might lose.  I was trying to protect myself from the emotional repercussions of dry erase markers, hahahaha.  That's when I came back to "Just let it happen."

Upon the advice of the same person who first said it, I dropped the filters, and I just let it happen.  I drew what I held dear.  I sped up the footage.  I recorded my voice telling my story, and telling people what this ASMR journey meant to me.  After I was done, I felt so calm.  I wasn't drained, or melancholy...I just was...and it felt good (if that makes any sense).  I posted it to youtube, and I ran.  I do that---I call it the "post and run."  I didn't know how people would receive it.  I avoided it at all costs for the rest of the night.  I didn't want to lose the cathartic release and replace it with anxiety or frustration.  My friend messaged me to talk about it and said  "Are you seeing the comments?!"  I said "Nope.  I won't look at it.  I can't yet."  He said "It's incredible!"

Because I was stubborn and still in that uncomfortable post-posting place (dat alliteration, haha), I still wouldn't look at it.  The next day I resolved to see the "damage."  I was expecting comments I had gotten before (after I posted my drawing video) like "This was too personal, I can't get ASMR from this,"  or "I don't want to know about you, I just want to be triggered,"  etc.

Usually I get 200-250 comments overnight on a new video.  On this one I had nearly 500, and the number was going up steadily.  My inboxes had blown up on youtube and facebook.  I was gobsmacked.  People were responding in such sincere ways, and sending such personal messages. There were certian people I could feel understand...and I'm sure that sounds super nonsensical, but it's real even if it sounds wonky.  I received pages long letters, video responses, artwork---things that made me cry, things that made me smile, and absolutely nothing that warranted the hesitation I felt in the first place.

I am still catching up on comments and messages because of that video.  I am so behind in time, but I don't regret it for a second.  That video did something for me, and it appears it did something for others...and that's the whole point of my channel---to give back, help people feel good, and sleep.  I have never been moved by strangers like I was from the responses to that video.  It was more than the +1 for humanity feeling.  It was beautiful.

I feel redundant because I keep saying "thank you," but I mean it every time.  I hope whoever reads this knows that.  Thank you.  <3

"I'm a real boy!"

Phew.  I finally got my robot role play out.  I had such a fun time making it, but like always, upon reviewing it, I saw a million things I wished were different.  My hair is frizzy.  My doctor jacket makes me look like a football player.  I wish I didn't have to scale my dinning room table to get to the left side of the mic.  I know there are a lot of other content creators who do the same thing---agonize over their work, post and run, and hope the comments the next day don't reflect all the criticisms they face in their heads.

If a content creator came to me, and wanted to vent about their work in the way I criticize my own, I would tell them they were crazy.  True story:  My middle name is "Hypocrite."

That wasn't a true story.  My middle name is actually "Fibber."

True story?  Eh?  Eh?  :P

Anywaaaaay, the point is that it's much easier to see the good in others' work, just as it is to see the flaws in your own.  It's hard to own mistakes.  It's even harder to say "I see you, mistake...but that's okay, you can stay."  Accepting that things will be flawed is something I still have to actively work at (even after 6 months of making videos).

The positive side of the coin is that complacency is never an option.  I just need to find the balance and stop Lemongrabbing it up every time I see something I don't like.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07So_lJQyqw 

I find it kind of funny my video about robots made me feel the need to reflect that it's okay to be human.  :P
I also find it funny that I keep capitalizing the word "robots" when I type.  Silly fingers.

This video was the first one where I used  5 audio layers.  The pic doesn't show you all of them, and it isn't zoomed in, so you can't see all the lines very well---but that's what I've been doing for the last 3 days.  I'm sure to sound editing pros, this looks like cake, but it I am not yet at cake level.  One day, cake...one day you will be mine.