Wednesday, December 24, 2014

I Needed You To Know.

Heads up:  I am going to get rambly and sentimental.  

I always tend to get reflective around this time of year.  I just got home a little while ago from gorging my face off eating the 7 fishes with my family.  Christmas Eve is my favorite food day of the year.  Christmas Day is my favorite breakfast day because my mom (who is sleeping over) makes bacon and eggs for me and my sister.  I am a terrible cook, so getting to eat this kind of comfort food with my family is very special to me.  There are a lot of things that are special to me. 

2014 was a very hard year for me. You guys know I very rarely talk about personal issues, but it was really interesting because so many of you could tell when I was really struggling (even if I didn't say anything).  It's interesting that you guys know me even though we've never met.  You all were a constant source of encouragement and HUGE motivation to just keep swimming.  You guys made me laugh, you made me cry (appreciatively), you made me happy, and you made my channel with me.  I can't tell you what it means to have all of you with me on this journey, and you will never know how deeply honored I am to be able to work with alongside you all.  

2014's lows included being sort of bullied by someone from one of the top 3 television networks in America (when I wouldn't agree to let them into my home without giving me any information about anything they were going to show in an interview).   I lost the person I considered my best friend to manipulation and betrayal---I had to face the facts that the person I considered my hero (and would have trusted with my sister's life) wasn't who I thought they were and wouldn't be a part of my life.  People in my family became ill, and some had/have some very serious health issues to contend with.  Life happens.  :/

But you know what else?  Life happens!  I got to have awesome interviews with people who were not only respectful of ASMR, but also of my boundaries (one of which I consider a really awesome friend now coughJonathancough).  I made new friends---some I have no idea how I went so long without having them in my life.  My existing friendships became SO much stronger when I went to them for help.  I realized that I could trust more than one person with me, and as odd as it may sound, it made me stronger.  I have been making the most of every available moment with my family, and I have cherished our moments together.  And I got to keep making videos with you guys---the Falcors to my Atreyu.  Pulling me out of the swamps when I am down, and flying high with me when I'm happy.  

There are a million affirmations I could say to you right now to try and tell you that no matter how bad things get, you can get through them---but they are just words on your screen---easy to read and sometimes very hard to feel.  I wish all of you happiness and good health.  For what it's worth, I am going to keep trying to give you tingles, smiles, laughter, relaxation, rest, and a sanctuary from the world when it gets too loud, because I want to help you as much as you have helped me.  We have never met, but we are going through life together.  It's happening.  We are growing up with each other.  We are going to struggle, we are going to fall, we are going to fail, we are going to feel completely broken---and we are going to fight, and get back up, and put our pieces back together.  We're going to do this over and over because we're human, and we're vulnerable, and resilient, and wondrous.  I can't do much, but I can try my best to help you in the best way I know how, and the way I love, and I promise you I will never stop trying for you all.  Haha it sounds so dramatic, but I don't know any other way to say it.  

I have no idea what the future holds, but I am excited to embark on 2015 with the greatest group of people on the internet.  You all have given me the greatest gifts in my life these past two years, and I will always try to repay you for it through my videos.  I am so proud of all we've accomplished thus far (I will make a blog post soon of what we've done together), and I know that we can do more.  We are shaping the dialogue about ASMR, and we are pioneering a new genre that is going to have a huge presence in nearly all forms of media one day (that's my bet at least)---and one that is helping literally millions of people now.  Think about that.  My videos wouldn't exist without you.  This is a group effort, a team endeavor, and therefore you have a hand in helping every person who benefits from ASMR content.  Thank you, my fellow adventurers.

Happy Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and Happy Life.  See you in the future!  We'll go together.  :)


  1. I am so sorry that this year was so hard for you, my Heather. But you are a survivor. And here's to a fabulous 2015!!! I honestly love you so much <3

  2. THANK YOU for all that you do. You're an amazing ASMRtist, but as I've also recently found out, such an amazing soul. Merry Christmas xxx

  3. Merry Christmas Heather, you make the day more enjoyable!

  4. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Heather. This post of your's was very well versed and gave me tingles!!! Much wisdom here. I'm sorry about you losing your friend, I know how that feels too. I will pray for you and your family's health to improve. I have to say ditto on what Melanie Raye Said about loving you.

    I know you once said that you get "weird" people who sort of glom onto you as if they know you in real life and they act all strange, and while I agree some of them are very mentally odd by acting as if they are in some sort of network of real life friendships with you and giving you therapeutic advice on your personal life (yes that is very odd)...I would still have to say this and I hope this comes out right, You make people feel like they know you. People are either going to love you, or they are going to be jealous haters, lol.

    I know I don't "know you" in real life per say, though I feel like we are on the internet and are still real people, but it is the fact we have never actually communicated in a reciprocal manor that makes us not really "know" one another, but...I do feel like I know you in some fashion, and that which I do know of you, I love very much. Just wanted you to know that I feel you are a genuinely beautiful person, and also that I am not to be grouped into that weirdo category with those who do not know the difference between the fantasy and reality, lol. Though I am very eccentric, I'm definitely not a creep, lol. So there is nothing to be leery of here. Though you might be a bit Timothy Leary, lmbo!!! Sorry, I taught that was punny. Now that I have finished writing my novel, I will bid you adieu!

    I have this odd sense that you and ASMATTR might could be a couple some day, perhaps that was out of place for me to say that but I got this vibe that you 2 could hit it off. If nothing else you could be very good friends. I'm very intuitive. Anytime you want input on something, let me know, I'm just a blog shout away.

    1. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that the first time I heard your voice, you made me think of the child like empress from the never ending story, which is one of my favorite movies of all times, and then in one of your sound assortments you made reference to the film and it gave me major chills because I felt like it was a connection there somehow. So much connections in this world. God bless!

    2. I hope this is not how you view me, " you once said that you get "weird" people who sort of glom onto you as if they know you in real life and they act all strange", I am from the old yahoo chat era where we were all online friends we never met in person but we talked almost everyday and we considered each other if you think I'm a weirdo I'm sorry it's not meant that way.

  5. My greatest wish for you is that 2015 brings you nothing but fulfillment & success, particularly in the areas where 2014 my not have been ideal for you. I'm sure many have shared their thoughts with you about your work, and I'm sure I agree with most of them, but right now I'd like to steal a line from one of your own videos & share it with you... it's a simple collection of three small words that have an incredible amount of power, and it's become one of the primary maxims of my own life:

    "Be you, bravely."

    In one small statement, you've provided guidance that will last until my time here is up. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your talent, your time & your soul with us. And thank you for being you, that's all you ever need to be to reach your bliss. I hope you enjoy the holiday with your family :-)

  6. Hey Heather!

    That was such a wonderful blogpost. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that you mean a great deal to me. That sounds weird giving the fact that I have never met you and I don't know you personally, but it's true. Your youtube channel has become my safe haven. I've been struggling with psychological problems (resulting in emotional breakdowns, attacks and lots of selfdoubt) for the last months now but I always know that when I don't feel good, all I have to do is go to your channel, play one of your videos and you will get my through it. It's not just about the tingles anymore (although they are amazing), it's about support and help. Because even though you make these videos for everyone who wants to see them, it sometimes feels as if they were made just for me. And that is an amazing feeling. I'm not good at putting my emotions into words, but I hope this message expresses what I feel and brings it over to you.
    Thank you, Heather, for always being there, and thank you for making my days easier to get through. You are an amazing person.

  7. Hi Heather
    Thank you for all your videos. I suffer from depression and wanted to say that watching your videos always brightens my day. Thank you for the time and effort you put into them. A very Merry Christmas and a safe Happy New Years to you
    and your family. Take care.

  8. Heather, in you I see nothing but love for your fellow humans, and it fills me with sorrow to think that anyone could mistreat such a beautiful soul. I hope that 2015 brings you the joy you deserve.

  9. Happy Holidays Heather! (and whoever else reads this) Keep on kicking ass and all the best for 2015.

  10. Merry Christmas, Heather! I hope 2015 brings nothing but the best for you and yours.

  11. Heather, I'm so sorry you had such a rough year, I'm just glad that you've been able to be strong and pull through. I truly hope 2015 treats you better, you deserve to be much happier for all that you do for us.
    No thanks can amount to how much you've helped through your videos, I went from 5-6 hours of sleep a week to almost 4 a night because of you. While others have helped, noone can do it like you.

    I hope you have an amazing Christmas and new years, and for 2015 to be filled with nothing, But happiness and joy!

  12. Heather, ok so 2014 has not been a very good year in some aspects, but let's look at some of the good things... you reached 100,000 subs, you made your 200th video, you have given more than half of those subscribers more sleep than they have had in years. here's to a better 2015!!

  13. Thank you for continuing to give us tingles. For many of us you are a quiet, restful sanctuary that shelters us from the world while we ground ourselves and relax. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

  14. Thank you for everything Heather. 2014 has been a hard year for me as well as my depression has completely taken over my life this year. Your videos have helped me so much on those nights when I couldn't escape my darkest thoughts and felt that it was the end for me. Thank you so much for all you do, I will always be grateful.

  15. No no, thank you. In early 2014 I was having major sleep issues, so much so it was having a noticeable impact on my ability to function. I had tried over the counter drugs as well as the kind you have to ask for, both to no avail. Then I tried relaxation videos on a whim and at the end of my tether; being an engineer I had ignored them and gone for more practical solutions.

    10 hours of rain storm videos didn't really work for me and amongst them I found these funny ASMR things which worked even less because my active imagination was countering the role play aspect. (somewhere on Youtube there's a witty comment about not being late because a wizard turns up when he means to and asking the person to take her hands off my wizard beard on someone's hair cut video).

    Then I stumbled on one of your videos (I believe it was a space suit repair video), in the nicest possible way, something about your voice helped me to relax and it started to be easier to sleep. I think also it helps that I have more of a vested interest in geeky things than what's in someone's handbag. Obviously, it wasn't a sudden cure, as soon as I would hear your videos I wouldn't just collapse no matter where I was, that's not how the world works... but they helped more than anything else had.

    The interesting twist is that through constant exposure I believe you have awakened what can only be defined as an ASMR reaction. I very much doubt it's as strong as other more seasoned people, but there are definite tingles caused by 'trigger' sounds. This also means, I've started to find other ASMR artists that can cause the sensation. So, I have you to thank for having ASMR (unless it turns out to be some sort of viral reaction to certain frequencies) and for sleeping soundly.

    Plus, it's been fascinating reading and researching this phenomenon.

    I should point out I refer to listening and hearing your videos rather than watching because I close the screen and just listen to them. I like to stare into the dark abyss and see if it stares back.

  16. THE FEELS! OH THE FEELS! Heather, you have made videos to help our hard times, relax us and/or help us sleep even when you were having hard times. You are the only ASMRtist that has helped me sleep (Because for some reason I suck at sleeping) out of the other people I have tried. I know this comment isn't as long as others but I still care. Thank you Heather so much :3

  17. This one wants to thank you, Mrs Feather. It recently had a lot of nightmares of recent abuse from its former caretakers, and your videos were the only things that helped it to sleep. Thank you so much, and this one wishes you much success.

  18. Thanks for being great Heather. I hope life gets better. God Bless. :)

  19. 2014 was an eventfully bad year for me as well and even if we don't know each other, your videos and the community that they brought together were day to day comforts even through the worst days. Sorry to hear things were bad for you too but Im happy we were able to help you as much as you helped some of us.Thanks for the comfort in my darkest, restless(est?) nights, Heather. We're all Falcors to each other.

  20. Hi Heather!
    My name is Jordana and I'm from Portugal. I started a few months watching asmr videos after knowing what it was in a tv show. I saw a few videos from asmrtists but I didnt felt any empathy or connection with them, until I found your channel. You are a sunshine of joy. Is really a pleasure and an enjoyment to watch your videos. You need to know that what you do, is really a gift for us. Thank you for your motivation, delivery and dedication to every single detail that you build in your videos. Actually, I'm not triggered with tingles from your videos, I can only experience them when I'm physically present in the action that triggers me, but I watch them to escape from my own reality. It's a way to calm me down and relief my anxiety. I cant count anymore how many times I fell asleep 'with' you (please don't get me wrong) or the times you made laugh with Dark Feather's comments or your own comments and expressions. You're authentic and that is what distinguish you from the other ASMRtists (I believe they also have merit, but you're different because of that authenticity). For all of that, I consider you 'a friend', despite we don't know each other, I feel we could be friends in real life.
    And I wrote you today because I want you to know that what you do is building a better world, and when you give a piece of you for making people smile and feeling better with themselves, they also make another people smile and feel good. So, that tiny 'piece' of you goes from people to people (not like a spreading virus, but kinda.. lol), and travels around the world and hopefully turns back to you in a bigger piece of love and joy.
    I hope this year brings you much hapiness and joy, and fun, and love. Thank you a thousand hundred times for all that you do. A big hug from across the ocean.

  21. Heather, I know it comes late but I hope you'll read it anyway....
    I really wanted to thank you for your videos. I discovered ASMR not too long ago, suffering from anxiety, neuroses and all that stuff besides being an aspie, so you can imagine I didn't have such a good time. I watched lots of ASMR I liked but there was no connection to the creator of the videos but with you, it's like you're an old friend I had in elementary school and didn't see in 10 years.
    Before ASMR I always needed the TV on low volume to fall asleep... I was so anxious and even if I just watch your videos before sleeping I feel so much more balanced. Since I won't let anyone enter my life, this is now how I can handle everything better now.
    This is why you deserve the best. Because you, helped me, a total stranger to find inner balance. I only wish you the best, don't let others look down on you, you are so much more. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


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  23. I'm so sorry to hear all your negative experiences. All I want to say is that I really love your work and appreciate what you are doing. Please keep uploadind ASMR videos. Your videos really trigger me no matter how mamy times I've seen 'em. You're my No.1 ASMRtists. You have my support. Keep up the good work.

    By: some random fan from latin america

  24. you inspire me! thank you for your videos :)

  25. My response is hit or miss no matter who does it. You're my favorite because of your personality. I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad year. Thank you so much for your videos.