Heads up: I am going to get rambly and sentimental.
I always tend to get reflective around this time of year. I just got home a little while ago from gorging my face off eating the 7 fishes with my family. Christmas Eve is my favorite food day of the year. Christmas Day is my favorite breakfast day because my mom (who is sleeping over) makes bacon and eggs for me and my sister. I am a terrible cook, so getting to eat this kind of comfort food with my family is very special to me. There are a lot of things that are special to me.
2014 was a very hard year for me. You guys know I very rarely talk about personal issues, but it was really interesting because so many of you could tell when I was really struggling (even if I didn't say anything). It's interesting that you guys know me even though we've never met. You all were a constant source of encouragement and HUGE motivation to just keep swimming. You guys made me laugh, you made me cry (appreciatively), you made me happy, and you made my channel with me. I can't tell you what it means to have all of you with me on this journey, and you will never know how deeply honored I am to be able to work with alongside you all.
2014's lows included being sort of bullied by someone from one of the top 3 television networks in America (when I wouldn't agree to let them into my home without giving me any information about anything they were going to show in an interview). I lost the person I considered my best friend to manipulation and betrayal---I had to face the facts that the person I considered my hero (and would have trusted with my sister's life) wasn't who I thought they were and wouldn't be a part of my life. People in my family became ill, and some had/have some very serious health issues to contend with. Life happens. :/
But you know what else? Life happens! I got to have awesome interviews with people who were not only respectful of ASMR, but also of my boundaries (one of which I consider a really awesome friend now coughJonathancough). I made new friends---some I have no idea how I went so long without having them in my life. My existing friendships became SO much stronger when I went to them for help. I realized that I could trust more than one person with me, and as odd as it may sound, it made me stronger. I have been making the most of every available moment with my family, and I have cherished our moments together. And I got to keep making videos with you guys---the Falcors to my Atreyu. Pulling me out of the swamps when I am down, and flying high with me when I'm happy.
There are a million affirmations I could say to you right now to try and tell you that no matter how bad things get, you can get through them---but they are just words on your screen---easy to read and sometimes very hard to feel. I wish all of you happiness and good health. For what it's worth, I am going to keep trying to give you tingles, smiles, laughter, relaxation, rest, and a sanctuary from the world when it gets too loud, because I want to help you as much as you have helped me. We have never met, but we are going through life together. It's happening. We are growing up with each other. We are going to struggle, we are going to fall, we are going to fail, we are going to feel completely broken---and we are going to fight, and get back up, and put our pieces back together. We're going to do this over and over because we're human, and we're vulnerable, and resilient, and wondrous. I can't do much, but I can try my best to help you in the best way I know how, and the way I love, and I promise you I will never stop trying for you all. Haha it sounds so dramatic, but I don't know any other way to say it.
I have no idea what the future holds, but I am excited to embark on 2015 with the greatest group of people on the internet. You all have given me the greatest gifts in my life these past two years, and I will always try to repay you for it through my videos. I am so proud of all we've accomplished thus far (I will make a blog post soon of what we've done together), and I know that we can do more. We are shaping the dialogue about ASMR, and we are pioneering a new genre that is going to have a huge presence in nearly all forms of media one day (that's my bet at least)---and one that is helping literally millions of people now. Think about that. My videos wouldn't exist without you. This is a group effort, a team endeavor, and therefore you have a hand in helping every person who benefits from ASMR content. Thank you, my fellow adventurers.
Happy Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and Happy Life. See you in the future! We'll go together. :)
